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A Brief History of Movementarianism
We were founded in 1893 by a group of people that were fed up with Christianity. They wanted a deity that they could relate to, not some invisible guy up in the sky. That is when they found The Leader. The Leader is a kind and gracious man who knows that there is more to life than following rules. He understands the importance of enjoying life's simple pleasures such as sex and drugs. He has only been seen in dreams and religious visions. We are named by our chronological birthdate. We are #63 and #44. Movementarianism was unpopular at first, but is gaining more and more followers in the recent years. However, there are still less than one hundred Movementarians nationwide.
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Movementarian Beliefs
We believe in hard work and hard play. We believe that when we die, the leaders will take our souls to a wonderful, yet unknown, place where we will spend eternity in happiness and partying. We also believe that The Leader punishes the infidels when they die by feeding them to His pet, a giant man-eating Tyrannasaurus Rex. We celebrate 13 holidays a year, which are all called "Ramahannakwanzmas". They are celebrated whenever we get a sign from the leader that it is time to do so. We celebrate them by wearing brightly-colored cabuskahs (they are hats which can also be worn at any other time), doing sacred dances, saying sacred prayers, and partying.
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